Updated: Jun 2
WHY CALLING PEOPLE OUT CAN ACTUALLY BACKFIRE ON YOU
Calling out people who hurt us actually hurts us and perpetuates a toxic cycle of disempowerment and shame. I don't know about you but whenever I see celebrities or normal folks doing this, I silently wish there was a better way.
We've all been there right? It's so common place to label someone else for that thing they did to us... He's a narcissist, she's toxic, they're an idiot etc...
But isn't it just our ego's way to get back at that someone? To try to get even for that event that transpired that you never saw coming and were unprepared to receive? To take a bite out of that person who seemingly took your power away by abandoning you, shaming you, cheating on you or by abusing you, with or without your consent?
You may feel like a victim, and the only way you know how to get back at them to level the playing field is to call them names. It's ok to feel your feelings, but it's not ok to let someone else dictate how you feel, and consquently live your life.
Here's another take: flip the script. What if we could take back our power and call it for what it was? Life Experience. Taking personal responsibility for the role you played in said events, and your own life and its trajectory is scary, but it's so worth it!
Feel the feelings and move on. However long it takes is up to you, there is no time limit or one way to do this.
They may have behaved badly, perhaps they didn't. Perhaps it was our perception of things. Who knows. One thing we know for sure is that we have all treated people badly at one point or another. It's part of being human. We are all mirrors for each other.
So, we don't condone bad behaviour and we will continue to stand up for ourselves. We will continue to put into place healthy boundaries for ourselves. We will continue to communicate our needs as much as possible. And if we're wise, we will find a way to help someone else through the same experience.
But we won't continue to label people and call them out publicly because staying in states of unforgiveness and shaming others doesn't do anyone any good. It keeps us stuck right where we are. And that hurts everyone.
The only way through tough experiences is through them. Life is too short to carry grudges, so let go. You'll feel better, guaranteed. And that's how you win at life. Now your in the driver's seat.
Joanna McDonald is a spiritual counselor who practices in Montreal, Quebec. Follow her on social media @thelotuslivingspace for more tips and tricks to live the live you want to, in good health & joy.